Last Minute Jitters!

My future plans weren't to join the military ... not quite yet anyways. The original plan was to go to New Mexico Military Institute and then get commissioned. Well, shit changes: Mom didn't want me to be so far. So, I said fuck it, I had been walking past that recruiting office for forever, working @ Northway Mall in Gottschalks. On my lunch breaks, regular breaks, and off work, I walk past that recruiting station wondering if that's what I should be doing? One time they even tried to pull me in there themselves, but I was on my break and I had to go back, no time for convincing Inmaly to join the Army. I knew that if I ever was to join, I wanted to do the Air Force, not the Army. The recruiting station was all the way on the othe side of town though, so it was hard for me to access that recruiting station. The Army station was just right there. So, I did it. I evn went through hell trying to pass that pee test! I swore in, signed my contracts, and now I'm off to Basic in a week.

I have the last minute jitters. Well, maybe not so last minute. It's the fact that I did everything so quickly. It all happened so quickly, I didn't think it would happen like that. For one, I didn't get the MOS I wanted, but I plan to change that as soon as I can. For two, I honestly think peoples' words are gettting to me about how I should have joined the Guard or the Air Force. I kow I have an advantage w/ the Guard because SSG Preito and MSG Nieves, I know them and they hook people up with jobs. & with the Air Force, everybody knows is better.

I feel like I made the wrong decison, joining the Army Reserves. I can turn back now, I haven't swore in and signed the final contract for the final time ... but I built myself up to leave, and now I feel this way? My instincts are strong, telling me something in this picture is wrong.

What the hell do I do?

Weekend recap.

...What was Kanye West thinking when he was shooting his "Flashing Lights" video?  Anyways, the bitch is fine & has a bangin' body.  Just thought I'd point it out: her name is Rita G & she's a Playmate, if I'm not mistaken.  ---- This weekend was Starla's graduation party at the hall.  Now, every time we rent out that hall to throw a party, there's always something guaranteed to happen.  Anything & everything & everyone shows up/happens.  The night was pretty good, everybody was feelin' good.  Vic was DJing, more people started arriving, and people finally started to get on the dance floor.  I know I was! (haha) It was nice seeing all these random faces.  Tasha came through randomly with Ina & I didn't even know she could be out that late!  Also ended up w/ Nancy & Leeanna at Raymond's place, where I knocked out at for the night.

Saturday & Sunday hung out with Suttan.  I didn't really want to go out because of the fact that Friday night was enough for me.  I was tired & didn't feel like drinking.  So, me and Suttan kicked back and watched some movies (The Descent, Blow, Talladega Nights, & The Hitcher) We would have gone out & enjoyed the weather more if it wasn't for his crippled self! (hahaha, just kidding Suttan) Went out for some sushi too then back to the crib for more movies.  Sunday night, went to Sone's with Suttan to drop some off to Starla & ended up hanging out with the girls -- then I went home.

It was nice.

It's the last week of school, so that means finals start tomorrow.    I think I'm going to fail consumer econ, but I have a back-up plan if that happens.  As the days pass, the closer I come to leaving for basic...I need to start taking Niacin, soon.

Chances

"I finally came around. I'm back on solid ground, can't let it get me down."

In the past, I've taken too many chances. Chances equals risks, and so I've risked my heart, my time, and my emotions on many things. I've taken so many risks with decisions I've been making that now I don't even know what's right and wrong anymore. I go with what my instincts tell me, but lately my instincts have been telling me wrong. I've been trying to do that whole "live for the moment" type stuff, but that's been getting me into nothing but trouble, confusion, and stress. I know I know I know, after going through all those risk-taking experiences and taking chances on people who I don't have enough knowledge about and getting hurt in the end, I'd say that I'm going to quit taking chances on things and people...

...Until another one comes along. I guess it's a little different this time because I've been through it with *him before, in a way. I know how it is to be with him (not physically, but mentally & emotionally). I'm almost too scared to even take another step with *him because of how things ended up last time, but I understand how and why that happened. I believe it was my fault, because thinking back on it, you did what you could do and you did what was right for you. Everything happens for a reason, though, and even though we strayed away from each other for a while, look where we ended up right back again? With each other. Well, not literally, although I wish it was so. I've learned to let fate happen as it pleases, chill & let it be. I love to hear from you, but should I let you be the one to hit me up on your own time? Sometimes I tell myself I won't call or text, but I can't help but do that - it's my only way to you and for you to know how I feel.

See, that's another thing. I wish I could hide my emotions well, but I can't. If I'm feeling one way or another, I have to let it be known. Well, it's not the fact that I have to let it be known, I just don't know how to hide my feelings very well. It's a habit for me to display my emotions, so get used to the fact that I'm going to tell you how I feel from now on. There's another risk that I take.

If all else fails ... if things end up the way they did before, or if things go another direction - (who knows?) ... I'm still going to be here. It will just be another lesson learned.

Here's to taking a chance on you. & here it begins...

Sickness in 3rd Period

So, since I've returned from Fresno I've been sick.  It's been a week and a half or maybe even two weeks now.  It feels like forever just because of the fact that I never get sick.  Well, not never, but rarely ever do I catch a cold/fever/any type of sickness.  Unless I have a  hangover, but that's a different story.  

Last night I was not able to sleep - AT ALL because of this sickness I have.  I almost want to say that it's the swine flu, but everybody starts freaking out when I say that.  I don't have the swine flu, I don't think so anyways.  But damn, I'm tired of not being able to sleep because of this damn cough.  Not to mention, it gets really awkward when you're in class and it's quiet, except for this consistent cough coming out of me.  My throat's getting better, but it will be a matter of time until it starts getting sore again.  

I guess it's just that time of year where everybody gets sick.  Summer's kickin' it = hello allergies!  It's a good thing that I don't have allergies =) (Sorry Ni!) ... 

On a random note, I truly believe in the quote, "If you love something, let it go, and if it comes back to you, then it was meant to be." But then again, shit happens.

Hmm, something I really don't like about myself is the fact that it's very hard for me to hide my true feelings.  Sometimes that leads me to trouble.  (Just a random thought)

Well I'm in my 3rd class with nothing to do.  It's different without Starla here & Manny, Neico, and Terrell.  I miss those losers.

Signing out for now.

--Inmaly

Jurassic 5 Ft. Nelly Furtado - Thin Line

Thin Line ft. Nelly Furtado - Jurassic 5
(click for the full version on iMeem)

"We been friends for a long time
A very close friend of mine
Love you like you was mine
But respect the thin line
I love you like you was mine
Think about you all the time
Very close friend of mine
But respect the thin line"

jrotc

I'm tired of settling for less.

Have you ever worked so hard for something? Put so much time, dedication, emotion, stress, and effort just to build yourself to put confidence in to your own work so you can get to the top? Only to be let down, in the end & find out you didn't quite get what you worked for.



I was the one that stayed after four hours late trying to make things perfect for inspections.

I was the one that took charge of the team and tried to make things happen.

I was the one that came back after almost a year of not being able to be there.

I was the one that was up for anything that you asked me to do.

I was the one that went the extra mile.



It makes me re-think everything. Should I even go back for more? I mean, I got what I wanted out of this program and it has made me in to a better person & I got the enter the Army as an E-3 instead of an E-1, with 3 years of this program. But ... I sacrificed a lot of time that I wanted for other things, that I chose not to put any time in to because I wanted to give my all to this program.



Don't get me wrong, I believe that the fact that He got the position is good for the program too. But there's a difference between being jealous and knowing that you deserved and earned that position.



I've always settled for less. I was always second place, in everything.
Maybe it's a sign that I should move on to something better.