Even though I got money coming in, even though school's back in, it doesn't take my mind off of every other little situation going on in my life right now.
Recently, things have changed tremendously.
-New JROTC teachers
-The rumble, the loss of "her" (not that it was that big of a loss to me)
-Losing him because of something someone said and did
It all ties in together. Everything does. If it weren't for her, if it werent' for him, if it weren't for them ... I wish I had never talked to her again. I wish they didn't work together. I wish they didn't talk. I wish I never went to that party. I wish I never got drunk and passed out. I wish no one had ever said anything, and just kept everything quiet like I chose to.
I actually just wish I had never met either of them, or the people who go along with it.
This whole summer was so ... overwhelmingly eventful and veryfucking CRAZY. I don't know how to explain it anyhow. I hope the summer does not mirror the image of what my Senior year will be like. Maybe now that I am in school again and actually have important things to prioritize on my list, I won't involve myself in such ways that will make me feel this way.
It's impossible to be completely happy right now. I try and try to put a smile on and act like everything is okay, but really they are not. I wish I wasn't affected like this. I wish I could just be stronger and look over it, and move on to the future. For now, that won't work. I have this gut feeling in my stomach and it feels indescribable, not in a good way either.
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