This song is so nice. Pretty Wings by Maxwell. I have been listening to it non-stop for the past few days, it's been the main track in my lonesome pity party. Today it rains ... I think that's the end of the sunshine. Where is it when you really need it? So, my sister is coming up here from Fresno to get herself together, because Fresno wasn't doing as well as she thought it would. Well, it never really served her well for a while, in my opinion. She was doing better here, it's just that her and my mom bump heads too much. I'm also bumping heads with my mom, the level of understanding is just not the same. I wish we had a better relationship, but sometimes I just don't know how to get her to understand what I'm saying and my point of view. I can understand her, but she can't understand me. That's how I feel about it, anyway. I mean, I shut myself out from her lately because I feel neglected in a way. The fact that she told me she'd keep the Eclipse for me and then she lets her husband's son use it for work, gets mad about it, then unreasonably decides to sell it. Then she decides to buy a ticket for Darly & give her the car. I needed that car for my Senior year too. I hate depending on people to take me places, here & there. I hate it. It makes me feel stupid, like here I am all independent in making money and work and school and shit like that, but I don't have my own ride. It's just the fact that I feel like I've been here with my mom forever and I hardly ever ask her for anything, and she can't even give me a car but she'll give it to the other daughter who's done her wrong so many times (no hard feeilngs towards my sister) ... & then there's the whole doubting thing about me and my future. I don't knwo why, my mom has never seen me at my best. She always sees me at my worst, and/or less than best. She's the only person who thinks I won't succeed in life. And it hurts to know that.

Anyways, Darly's coming back up so it's a good thing. I won't be as lonely anymore. I feel like it's time for me to go MIA. After this number shuts down and I get my new one, I'll probably just keep to myself for a lil while. I don't want to, but I might not go through with it. Everytime I try to go MIA and keep on the low, it never works because I always get lonely and want to be aorund people or with someone. But Darly's coming, so now I have a companion, not just a companion but she's my sister and everytime we've lived together we've always bumped heads. But that's when we were younger and I thought she was the most horrible person in the world. We've grown, and so now I'm curious as to how it's going to be. If anything, she'll be my backbone and I'll be hers.