Monday, August 3, 2009

Whirlwind




I know it's been a hot minute since I've blogged in here, but I figured I would start back up again (not that I haven't been blogging on Myspace recently) but I like the feel of discreet blogging at this website.

It's crazy how things can be so good, then turn around & be the complete opposite. Dan & I broke up, with me being the main person to put things on hold & "take a break" for now. I had been thinking about everything we've gone through in the period of 2-3 months, and we've gone through a lot of things in such a short time. Our lives have definitely been more eventful the day that we decided to start to be a part of each other's lives. From day one, our loved ones hated on one another. A couple people out of his family perceived me as being something I really am not, and my mom got a bad first impression of him, and had to hear about us through other people besides her own daughter. But in the course of the 2-3 months, we have grown to love each other & continued to be with each other because the relationship was/is about us, not them.

Things have settled down since then, that was just the first part of our relationship. July proved to be a better month, but we haven't even made it to this 4th of August, and we're already broken up. Should I think this to be a mistake, or the right decision? Someone told me I was "fucked up" for breaking up with him, with the situation that he's in right now. That really got to me ... but nevertheless, I strongly feel that I made the right decision for US, together & individually. FYI, Dan is going through a hard time with living & financial situations. The whole point for me to put things on hold for the both of us was because I felt like we both needed our own personal time to get our shit back together. School will be coming up for me in a matter of two weeks, not to mention I will be working part time, and JROTC events will kill me as soon as I get in. It's time to get to work, and this last year counts very much for it has a lot to do with my future and what I'm about to do. Can you blame me for doing me? It's not just "doing me" either. I know Dan needs my moral support, but I'm still there for moral support. We literally spend everyday with each other & I have realized that it's a big distraction for him, and it causes him to not get what he needs to get done, done. I feel like I have played a role, if not big then small at least, in him being in the stressful situation that he is in now. He always tells me that he's surprised to that I'm still with him, even though he's not able to buy me things like most other guys do for their ladies, but our relationship has always been based on emotional support for each other. None of that really ever mattered. I know, it's contradicting to say that I've been supporting him fully, but also distracting him - but it's true. He's too old to be in the situation that he's in right now, hopefully my decision helps him in the end.

*i have my shit straight, just get YOUR shit straight.

School's getting back in! Registrations are in 6 hours for me, I should be sleeping. Instead, I decided to wake up & get on the internet. Glad my trusty computer is always here to keep me company in the late hours of the night. 15 days until school starts. That's exciting. I remember being in 9th grade & thinking everybody was so cool. All the guys were hot, all the girls were pretty. Now I'm on a totally different spectrum. So now, I'm on a full school year's worth of a mission to complete. It's called MISSION: GRADUATION & after that comes the beginning of another stage of my life. I'm really just excited about everything. I have a feeling this year's going to be a very good one, considering it's my last. It's time for me to finally "let my hair down" & enjoy it, for once.


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